Tampa resident and self-appointed moral guardian Rick Dawson made headlines this week by attending a city council meeting to demand a ban on all-ages drag story hours, calling them "inappropriate for children." He then took his three kids to Hooters for their weekly Friday dinner.

"There's a huge difference," Dawson explained, adjusting the Hooters tank top he purchased in a size too small. "At Hooters, the waitresses are just being themselves. At drag shows, men are pretending to be something they're not." He said this while his 8-year-old son stared at a wall covered in bikini photos.

Dawson's crusade against drag events began, by his own admission, after he "saw something on Facebook" and "did his own research," a process that apparently involved watching approximately zero drag shows and reading approximately zero articles from credible sources.

Local queen Flo Rida Mangrove, who runs the monthly family-friendly drag story time at the public library, noted that the event features readings of "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" and "Goodnight Moon" while she wears a butterfly costume.

"The most scandalous thing that's ever happened at my story time was when a 4-year-old sneezed on my wig," Mangrove said. "Which, honestly, was devastating. It was a brand new lace front."

When contacted for further comment, Dawson declined, saying he was busy organizing a "family-friendly" UFC watch party for his children.